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Toys for Either Women or Men


For almost any kind of penetration (whether with fingers, a penis, or a dildo, and whether vaginal or anal), slippery is sexy and dry is usually uncomfortable. So basically, a bottle of lube is a fundamental thing to have on hand if you're sexually active. Since oil-based lubes destroy latex condoms and silicone-based lubes are only good for very specific situations, a water-based lube is almost certainly what you want.


Water-based lube is your basic, recommended type of lube. It works beautifully with latex, it won't harm any of your sex toys, and it feels natural. For any kind of sex involving vaginal or anal penetration, it can make sex 1000% more fun.

Basically, try Slippery Stuff if you'll mainly use it for vaginal penetration, and try Maximus if you'll mainly use it for anal penetration. Both of these water-based lubes are also glycerin-free, which means they're less likely to feel sticky. If neither of these lubes suit your needs, then try a lube sampler to figure out which kind works best for you.


We hesitated to mention silicone lubes in this guide at all, since the overwhelming majority of people actually shouldn't buy them: if you accidentally use a silicone-based lube with one of your silicone toys, an adhesive reaction results which will destroy that toy. Furthermore, since silicone-based lube doesn't feel like natural vaginal lubrication, for most people it wouldn't be the preferred choice for any kind of vaginal penetration.

However, there are two specific situations in which silicone-based lube might make sense: when having sex underwater (since water dissolves water-based lubes but not silicone-based lubes), and for lengthy and intense anal penetration.

Right now, the most commonly recommended brand of silicone-based lube is Eros Gel.

Anal Toys

A good anal toy can be a revelation: assuming you have some water-based lube so that inserting the toy is comfortable, it can provide stimulation to the nerve-rich anus while going in, and once in can intensify in a very interesting way the feeling of the whole pelvic region during sex. There are two broad categories of anal toys: those meant to be left in during play, and those meant to be gradually pulled out or pushed in during play.

Toys Meant to be Left in During Play

These are otherwise known as "butt plugs." They have a special shape that helps them stay in once they're inserted, and can be left in while you have other kinds of sex. Choices include the Pendant (small), the Ryder (medium), and the Tristan Plug II (large).

Toys Meant to be Gradually Pulled Out During Play

You may have heard of "anal beads." The more durable alternative is a dildo with a series of bulbs shaped like beads, but without a string running through them that can weaken or break. But either way, the point is the same: you insert them, and gradually pull them out during intercourse or masturbation, perhaps leaving a few for the moment of orgasm itself. The impact of this kind of sensation on your orgasm can be dramatic. Right now, the best anal toy created with this kind of play in mind is the Ripple.

For Cleaning Beforehand, if Desired

To start with, even though the ass is generally cleaner than you might think, if the nature of ass play still leaves you uncomfortable, there's nothing stopping you from using latex or Nitryl gloves for penetration with fingers, dams for rimming, and condoms on any toys that are going to be inserted. There's also nothing stopping you from using the bathroom well before playing, or taking a shower before playing.

But for an additional level of cleaning, or perhaps for an interesting sensation in and of itself, a cleansing douche is always an option.

For Blindfolded Play

Blindfolds are sexy for good reasons: they're a consensual way for the receiver to completely focus on what they're feeling, and they're a way to remove any ambiguity as to who is "running the scene." Unfortunately, despite what you may have seen in the movies, just tying a bandanna around someone's head usually doesn't work very well, so you'd probably want something more secure and simpler to apply. The Soho Blindfold is one good choice.

For Bondage and Sensation Play

The range of play which falls under the heading of "BDSM" is vast. Stated poetically rather than technically, it's a way to take the freedom to struggle and strain without hurting anyone, combine that with intense sensations which produce the same endorphin and adrenaline rushes you might get from sports, and bundle the whole thing together with sex.

Just by way of example, if your main interest as a couple is one of you being able to prevent the other from moving, then bondage tape might be an inexpensive place to start, and once you have either eye bolts or bed posts for securement, continuing to a combination of leather wrist restraints, wrist cuff connectors, and ankle restraints.

Similarly, if your main interest is creating different kinds of (possibly intense) sensations for your partner, then examples of things to look at depending on your interests would be nipple clamps and paddles/floggers.


If you have the space to set one up (and the freedom to put eye bolts in a ceiling beam to support it), a sling can be a very cool thing to have. It allows "weightless" intercourse, it makes fisting much easier, and it makes sex a much easier thing for pregnant women to have. Toys in Babeland offers a basic ceiling-mounted sling with mounting kit.


Don't forget: candlelight is the most flattering form of illumination you're likely to find, and when used safely is probably the single easiest way to upgrade the appearance of wherever you and your partner play.

Sex Games

Most of the "sex games" you see advertised are pretty cheesy, but we've found a few which seem to have value: the Sex Questions game for helping partners learn more about each other, and the Pervartistry game for having fun with a group of open-minded adults.